


Without You

by Alexis_C



Category: One Piece
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-09
Updated: 2016-03-09
Packaged: 2018-05-25 17:31:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6204385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexis_C/pseuds/Alexis_C
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zoro is having trouble dealing with an unexpected loss, years after the Strawhat Pirates have ended their journey.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Without You

When Zoro had opened the door that morning, he’d found an innocuous plain black enamel bento box on the ground just outside his apartment.

There was no accompanying note, or any other clue as to its origins. 

Zoro had picked it up, and brought it into the kitchen, where he cleared out a small area of the counter, and set it down carefully. It was the single uncluttered spot in an entire apartment strewn messily with empty beer bottles and takeout boxes. 

Task accomplished, he left the kitchen, without a second glance at the box.

 

* * *

 

Two gruelling hours of an intense blood pumping session with monster weights later, Zoro wandered out of the room that served as his gym, a towel slung around his neck, another beer bottle in hand.  

He took a long swig from the bottle, quenching his thirst with the cool golden liquid. Setting his beer bottle beside the bento box, Zoro perched himself on the bar stool at the counter. Every now and then, he would reach out for the bottle and drink from it again.

When he started on his second bottle, Zoro was still staring at the bento box, which had remained untouched, ever since he first brought it into the kitchen.

It was only until he was at the end of the second bottle, that Zoro finally put the bottle down with a heavy sigh and lifted the lid of the box.

A row of rice balls lay within, the pearly white grains cooked to perfection. Zoro knew each of them would contain a different flavour, all of which would be his favourites, seasoned exactly to his tastes.

For just a moment, Zoro’s gaze slid to the overflowing trash can in his house, but almost as quickly as the thought had formed, he dismissed it.

Picking one of the rice balls up, Zoro began munching. He didn’t stop until the black enamel box was empty. It was late afternoon by then, and also, his first meal of the day.

 

* * *

 

Zoro met Nami at the bar she now owned, but rarely ever worked at herself.

An entire wall of the bar featured a world map, drawn by Nami herself, another was plastered with wanted posters, and god only knew what kind of deal Nami had been able to wrangle out from the Marines and the Warlords, but her bar was widely known to be neutral ground for both parties. It was a good spot to exchange information, if you were willing to part with some of your treasures. Several nights a week, Brook would perform an acoustic unplugged set that brought hordes of his younger fans, but for the most part, Nami’s bar was frequented by a rather rough and tough crowd. Not that anyone ever started trouble there though. No one wanted to be on the kill list of the world’s best swordsman and the King of the Pirates.

Brook was playing an unscheduled set on the stage that night, so the bar was blessedly free from his cheering fan girls. He was singing a soft sad number, one that seemed to be strumming Zoro’s pain with each note, and now Zoro remembered why he had stopped coming to the bar to hang out with friends. It was hard to hold it together when Brook was serenading you with the world’s saddest song about heartbreak and loss.

There was of course, that other reason too.

But Nami had asked, and he’d declined so many times in past year, that he could tell she was just about to knock down the door of his apartment and drag him over by the ear. There were only so many times you could say no to a woman like Nami. Besides, it was nice to drink with someone who had known you most of your life, every now and then, and Nami really was the only one among their group who could keep up with Zoro when he began one of his binges.

Nami sat beside him at the bar, just like any other ordinary patron, looking out of place in her almost formal flowing black dress that hugged her ample curves in a way that left nothing to the imagination. She was ravishing as always, and Zoro was well aware that he was the object of envy of not just a few men in the bar.

“We’ve missed you.” Nami said simply, raising her glass to her lips.

Zoro looked over at Brook, as he thankfully began his obligatory rendition of Bink’s Sake, leaving off the soul searing heartbreak songs for a while.

“Well… you know,” Zoro replied vaguely, his usual taciturn self, but because they had been friends for so long, Zoro knew that Nami _did,_ in fact, know.

“… It’s been a while though. Isn’t it time you… moved on?” Nami asked delicately, placing her hand carefully over his, her eyes unusually sympathetic.

Zoro’s first instinct was to pull away, and he tensed, but slowly forced himself to relax again, allowing Nami to keep her hand on his, although he knew Nami was sharp enough not to have missed his initial reaction. He could tell that the hearts of quite a few previously hopeful men were beginning to crack right about now.

Move on. As if he possibly could. As if he hadn’t tried. As if his entire life wasn't tied up in the two of them, as if everything he laid eyes on didn’t bring back some memory of the two that Zoro would endlessly replay in his head, looking for a sign when things had fallen apart so irrevocably between them.

They had been together for nine years. Lived together, laughed together and loved together.

The only way Zoro could think of moving on was to literally become a hermit, off on an isolated undiscovered island somewhere cut off from everything and everyone he knew and loved. 

There was that, and there was amnesia.

Neither option was viable, and so Zoro continued drowning his sorrows, bottle after bottle, because he didn’t know how else to deal with losing the love of his life, and still having to face him for the rest of his life.

Not like that was easy either. Zoro’s inhuman level of alcohol tolerance meant that he was an expensive drunk, so it was increasingly hard to drink himself to oblivion. He knew he would manage it tonight with Nami here though. Good thing he didn’t actually have to pay for the drinks. Zoro knew Nami would square the debt with a tricky favour sometime down the line.

He chose not to reply Nami, topping off her drink instead, before gesturing at the ever attentive wait staff to bring more bottles to the table.

“He worries about you too, you know. Things like whether you’re eating right, drinking too much, taking car-"

Zoro cut her off in mid-sentence, harshly.

“He worries because he’s just naturally _kind_ ,” Zoro snapped, and Nami fell silent, aware that she was crossing an unspoken line.

“If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather not talk about this alright?” Zoro asked, flustered, as he raked a hand through his hair.

“Sure,” Nami replied agreeably after a moment. She brightened up suddenly, “Hey I heard the other day that Luffy…"

She launched into another tale of one of Luffy’s many exploits, and Zoro laughed uproariously at the punch line, and that felt good, almost like old times.

When Brook finished his set, he joined them in recounting the good old days out on the sea, and the three of them sat there drinking late into the night, and into the wee hours of the morning, well after the bar had closed.

 

* * *

 

“W-What are you doing here?!" 

It was that sputter of a question that roused Zoro from a dreamless sleep.

What was he doing where? Even though the room was draped in shadows, Zoro knew he was in familiar surroundings, he had spent so many mornings waking up to this exact same scene before… Zoro raised his head from where it was very comfortably pillowed, and his brain finally caught up.

Oh crap.

This was _not_ his place. And there was a warm body beneath him. And _thank god_ , they seemed to be fully clothed. Zoro searched his memory frantically, but he seemed to be in the clear.

They had stumbled over in a drunken stupor, each pretending to support the other and apparently passed out the minute they had let the other go. He’d had his keys with him. but they hadn’t fit into the lock and Zoro had just figured that he had the wrong apartment, but clearly it had been the wrong _keys_. Sanji must not have been home last night too, and Zoro couldn’t help that gnawing jealously at the thought.

“Is there someone in there _with you_?!” And now there was a little more than a hint of indignation in the other man’s voice. He crossed the room and with one swift motion drew back the curtains, flooding the room with light.

“Aghh!” Nami moaned, the light hitting her face, as she flipped over, burying her face within the pillow. “Five more minutes!"

“N-NAMI?!"

And the stupid cook’s mouth was so wide open, his cigarette had fallen and was in danger of setting the room on fire. He gaped, his gaze flickering back and forth between them, at the rumpled sheets, the disarrayed clothing, and Nami’s arm wrapped around Zoro’s waist.

Zoro met his gaze challengingly although he felt like a herd of elephants were tap dancing in his head. 

“You’re going to set the place on fire,” Zoro warned.

Sanji shot Zoro a look of pure poison, then hastened to draw the curtains shut again (ever the gentleman), before picking up his cigarette.

“Oi woman, we’ve outstayed our welcome,” Zoro shook Nami fully awake.

“Stop it, I’m up...” Nami complained, opening her eyes. She did a double take, looking wildly around the room.

“S-Sanji?” Nami gasped.

“It’s fine. You can stay as long as you like,” Sanji said, offering her a brave wavering smile.

Zoro thought bitterly that Sanji looked a little like he was about to cry, and even at the end Sanji had never shed a tear for their relationship.

“No, we’re sorry, we should go,” Nami tugged on Zoro’s arm.

Were the cook’s eyes reddening?!

“… I’ll make some coffee.” Sanji turned and left the room abruptly.

Almost immediately, Zoro felt the sting of the slap on the back of his head. It did not help his hangover.

“Idiot! You brought us to _Sanji's_ apartment,” Nami hissed frantically, searching for her purse, tossed somewhere in a far darkened corner of the room.

“Hey woman,” Zoro began uncertainly, rubbing the back of his head where he was sure there was a bump, “… did we?"

“Of course not!” Nami snapped in a tone of voice that was so horrified, Zoro would have been insulted, if he wasn’t so relieved.

She slipped her feet into the heels that made her tower just a little over Zoro, then walked out briskly.

“Sanji,” she called in honeyed tones, and Zoro could hear the muffled notes of her apology, even if he couldn’t make out the words.

Zoro sank back into the sheets for just a moment, inhaling deeply. The familiar scent of Sanji’s cigarette that he had often complained about, but now missed, lingered on after the other man had left. It felt good to be in this room that felt more like home than his own, but his place was no longer here now, Zoro reminded himself, and almost reluctantly, he dragged his tired limbs  out of bed, and into the kitchen.

Nami, that charming witch, had Sanji almost smiling adoringly now, tears all forgotten, as she sweetly explained that it had all been a mistake, and she would _never_ sleep with Zoro, not that way, and really, she didn’t have to emphasise the word “never" quite like that. 

Still when Zoro walked into the kitchen, he was on the receiving end of the dirtiest look he’d ever seen Sanji give anyone.

“Here,” Sanji grudgingly thrust out a steaming mug of coffee to Zoro, which he accepted gratefully.

There were eggs sizzling in a pan, and Zoro knew they wouldn’t be leaving until Sanji had fed both of them.

“Sanji, do you mind if I just freshen up in your bathroom?"

“Of course not, Nami! You can wear one of my shirts if you want to shower."

“Thank you, Sanji!"

Not long after, they heard the bathroom door close, and the sound of the shower running.

Alone in the kitchen, Zoro watched Sanji quietly. And this too was familiar. How many times had they done the exact same thing over the last few years? Zoro sipping coffee in the morning while Sanji cooked their breakfast, just like it was another normal day in their lives, just like they were still together.

At another place, at another time, Zoro would have slipped his arms around Sanji’s waist, resting a chin on his shoulder as the man busied himself over the stove, but he no longer had the right. 

“Pass me that plate there, will you?” Sanji requested, and Zoro acquiesced, careful not to brush against Sanji’s hand as he reached for the plate.

 

* * *

 

It was the best breakfast Zoro had had since they had broken up. On the way out of the house, Sanji had stopped Zoro, a little frown on his forehead.

“Hey."

He held out a hand, almost awkwardly, and for a moment Zoro couldn’t figure out what Sanji was asking for. Then it dawned, and he quickly reached into his pocket, fishing out the set of keys he still had to Sanji’s place.

“Sorry."

He hesitated for the briefest of moments, then dropped the keys onto Sanji’s outstretched palm.  

Sanji didn’t meet Zoro’s searching gaze, as that hollow ache that had been eating away at him ever since Sanji left, began anew, like a fresh new wound.

That simple action felt like the chapter had finally closed on their relationship. 

 

* * *

 

When they had broken up, like with all other relationships, their friends had subtly taken sides.

Maybe they had come together and had a meeting about it to make sure Zoro and Sanji would never find themselves alone and morose, whenever they needed company. Or perhaps each of them had chosen their own member of the gang of their own accord. Whatever the case, Sanji had gotten Usopp, Franky and Chopper. Zoro figured that made sense, since Sanji had always watched out for Usopp, geeked out with Franky over his cool boy toys (at least more than Zoro had), and been unfailingly sweet to innocent little Chopper.

For some reason, Zoro had gotten Brook and both the ladies in their ‘divorce’. 

When Luffy had learnt of it, the only thing he’d asked is if they were all still friends, and Zoro and Sanji had met each other’s eyes, and answered affirmatively in unison, already aware of what was on the other’s mind.

Zoro thought that Sanji had always resented him a little for getting both Robin and Nami in the fall out. He wasn’t exactly sure why they had both offered him their shoulder instead of Sanji, but if asked to hazard a guess he would say it was because he didn’t treat them differently simply because of their gender, whereas Sanji placed them both on a pedestal practically worshipping the ground they walked on, and that just might have gotten tiring after all these years.

Robin gingerly pulled out a beer bottle that had been wedged into a crack of a sofa and sprouted a line of hands along the wall to deposit it several metres away into the now empty trash can. Zoro had made just the tiniest bit of effort when Robin had quite unexpectedly dropped in with Nami because the nearby library had brought in a rare book that she had wanted to check out. The place was relatively clear of beer bottles now, and Robin had brewed a rich strong tea for the three of them to sip on.

Nami had clearly already recounted the tale of how they had ended up in Sanji’s apartment to Robin, because looking thoughtfully at Zoro from the corner of her eye, Robin suddenly spoke.

“It’s not the worse idea in the world for Sanji to believe that you guys did have carnal relations, is it? You could see if he’d be jealous, or if he’d try to win you back,” she remarked, a knowing look in her eyes.

Win him back? Robin was looking at this all wrong. Looking at that tiny smile on her lips, he’d hazard a guess that she was just teasing, although it was always hard to be sure with Robin. Zoro could see Nami gearing up for an outburst. And trust Robin to use a term like “carnal relations”. 

“Absolutely not! I still have to work with him, you know? I couldn’t bear those sad puppy dog eyes, directed at me every time we walked into a business meeting together!” Nami’s bar was closely aligned with the restaurant Sanji owned which meant they worked fairly closely together. Sanji was also responsible for the menu at Nami’s bar which featured more casual fare like light bites and stronger drinks.

“And he’d be jealous of _me_ , not Nami.” Zoro muttered, having no delusions about this fact of life.

“Not to mention the blow to my reputation,” Nami muttered over the rim of her mug.

“Not to mention the blow to _mine_ ,” Zoro interjected, without much heat, merely to rile Nami up. 

Nami glared.

“Besides, something did happen, didn’t it?” Robin asked innocently.

Robin was far too clever by half. Did she actually spend all her free time spying on them? Zoro glared accusingly at Nami, who was turning an interesting shade of red, and shaking her head as if to say it wasn’t her who had spilled the beans.

Well it hadn’t happened that night, but some time after the break up, they’d been drinking and Zoro had just wanted to not quite feel so alone, and honestly it was one of the worst decisions in his life, and he’d wanted to get Sanji out of his system and Nami had been smiling flirtatiously at him, equally drunk and missing Luffy, and he’d leant over and...

It was the softest pair of lips Zoro had ever kissed, but it had done nothing for getting Sanji out of system, although it had been a very good kiss.

They had sat back, stared at each other for a moment, blurted out apologies and hurriedly made excuses for leaving. Or rather Zoro had left, and Robin had arrived, a bit earlier than she claimed she had and had seen the whole thing.

“You would have made a cute couple."

Robin was laughing merrily behind her hand now, so Zoro knew for sure she was teasing. Even so, he could feel his ears getting red.

“Robin!” Nami protested. “You can’t tell anyone!"

“I’m not the only one who saw you. Your booth wasn’t as private as you thought it was."

Ad Zoro suddenly remembered that Brook had been playing that night too. He’d thought they had been hidden by the throngs of his fans, but clearly that hadn’t been the case. 

Nami was looking pretty aghast now.

“We haven’t told anyone else though,” Robin added, and the relief on Nami’s face was obvious. 

It wasn’t that Nami and Luffy were exclusively an item, and it was a more recent attraction than Zoro and Sanji’s had been, but there had been certain longing looks cast, a physical proximity between the two that hadn't been there before, and then, a stolen kiss or two. They didn’t seem to have acted further on it, possibly a good idea since Zoro didn’t want to deal with a murderous Boa Hancock at their doorstep, but there was definitely something there.

Luffy was away too much to ever be in that kind of a stable relationship anyway and Nami had no lack of suitors that Sanji was always chasing away. Still whenever Luffy was back, his eyes would scan the room until he saw her, and Nami would stand a little apart as the group bombarded Luffy, that rare open smile on her face, as their gazes locked and never really left the other’s face until they snuck off in the middle of the revelry, and spent the rest of the night talking together. Anyone who hadn’t noticed was quite frankly an idiot, Sanji had told Zoro, a year before they had broken up.

Truth be told Zoro hadn’t noticed and he’d called bullshit on it, and that had sparked off another one of their endless quarrels, but he’d paid attention the next time, and true enough, when everyone was sleeping off the alcohol or about to, Nami had stepped out quietly by herself, and several minutes later, Luffy had followed. Sanji had been sound asleep on Zoro’s shoulder, so he couldn’t be smug about it, but Zoro knew he would be in the morning, as he slipped an arm around Sanji, and pulled him closer.

A thump upstairs and muffled laughter interrupted his reverie. Zoro scowled, staring upwards. 

It had seemed like a good idea at the time. The building they were in had two available units, one above the other, so they had decided to take both of them. This way, they each had their own space, but could still spend all the time they wanted together. Truth be told, they had spent almost all their time at Sanji’s until the break up, which was why Zoro’s place was sparsely furnished, with really very little in it. He hadn’t been crazy about the modern style with the kitchen counter and bar stools, and had always wanted it remodelled, but never got around to it.

“You really can hear everything that goes on up there, can’t you?” Nami remarked carefully.

Robin was silently looking up, probably concentrating on what the little ear or eye ball she had poking out of the floor above was sensing, unabashedly spying the way she always did.

“Yes, you can,” Zoro said sourly. He had meant to move out after the break up, but could never seem to make himself do so. Sometimes, he could close his eyes, and know just exactly where Sanji was standing, or even doing at the moment, and he’d sappily stand under him the floor below, stupidly satisfied with just being where Sanji was. 

Lately, it had really been more of a curse though.

 

* * *

 

Zoro supposed their relationship had been doomed right from the start. He had been doing a lot of thinking in the last one year, and although things had started well enough with a fiery passion that was greater fuelled by their constant bickering, it had certainly gotten old over the years. There was a certain point in their lives when Zoro truly believed they would be together forever, but the arguments had worn them both down to sullen individuals, and while the make up sex was as good as it ever was, the drama of it all was exhausting. _Sanji_ was exhausting. He was emotional, quick to flare up at any slight from Zoro, and he was always complaining that Zoro never understood, that he wasn’t thoughtful or sensitive enough.

To be fair, Zoro had to agree that forgetting their anniversary five years in a row was a bit much, and even he had to admit he was a bit of a blockhead at times.

It wasn’t like they never had good times when they were together, but with Sanji so busy with his restaurant, then tired and irritable when he was home, they’d argued more often than not.

There hadn’t been one great thing or catalyst that had torn them apart, but a series of tiny fissures, that had grown bigger and bigger until they barely spoke to each other anymore.

And one day Sanji had lit a cigarette, looked Zoro squarely in the eye, and said, “This isn’t working."

And Zoro, to his own surprise, had agreed.

Their break up had been surprisingly quiet, without any of their usual drama whatsoever. Zoro had packed a few of his belongings and retreated to his apartment downstairs. A 'trial separation' they had called it.

And maybe it had been the right thing for them, because Sanji seemed happier at any rate, but Zoro had been _miserable_. He’d wanted to be back in Sanji’s life again, even if they fought constantly, so three agonising months later, he had set aside his pride, gone upstairs and knocked on Sanji’s door. 

“No,” Sanji had said quietly, looking far more tired than Zoro had ever seen him, dark rings around his eyes, a white long sleeved shirt that had once fitted him perfectly hanging just a bit too loose on his frame. 

Zoro hadn’t asked him why, but that night he’d gone out and kissed Nami. And maybe, just maybe, he’d done that in the knowledge that it would hurt Sanji if he ever found out, even if he wouldn’t admit it to Robin.

 

* * *

 

Luffy was going to be back today, and the gang had decided to throw the mandatory welcome home party at Nami’s place, although it was usually at the bar or Sanji’s since the man was cooking all the food for the party anyway. They hadn’t done it at Sanji’s this year, because it would have been awkward (although no one actually voiced the opinion) and Nami had suggested her place, “for a change”, she had said. 

Zoro had not missed the moment when Law had quietly slipped into the house, lounging around in the corner of the living room, as the festivities had started, and gotten progressively louder, even though Luffy hadn’t yet arrived. When Sanji finally spotted Law and wandered over with a small welcoming smile, Zoro’s grip on his drink almost broke his glass, to Brook’s alarm. 

“Zoro, are you alright? Your expression is enough to scare any man to death… Although technically, I’m already dead, ohohohoho!” The nervous almost hysterical laughter from Brook, snapped Zoro out of the red haze of rage that was demanding a release.

Was he alright? No, not really. Especially not so, nine months since their break up, when Zoro had politely knocked on Sanji’s door looking to get back some of his other stuff he’d left with Sanji. There had been no answer, even though Zoro was sure that Sanji had been home, so he’d knocked louder and rung the doorbell a couple of times as well. Sanji wasn’t that heavy a sleeper.

Mid-knock, the door had swung open, to reveal a bleary eyed, tousled looking, bare chested Law, who had clearly only thrown on a pair of pants before crawling out from the bed Zoro had not that long ago shared with Sanji.

“What?!” Law had snapped, then the irritation had faded to a long silence, as Law had seen who was at the door.

Law smelled of Sanji’s cologne and _sex_ , and Zoro was suddenly very aware, through his clenched fists, and the blood rushing through his ears, that if he didn’t get out of here soon there would be bloodshed.

“Sanji’s… in the shower," Law ventured finally.

Zoro turned, and stomped back down the stairs the way he came from, grinding his teeth so loudly, he was sure Law and everyone else in the vicinity could hear it.

And that was the day Zoro's world came crashing down around him for the third time in nine months, when he found out that Sanji had begun seeing someone else.

 

* * *

 

The doorbell rang suddenly, jerking Zoro back to reality. And suddenly Luffy was walking through the door, Sabo in tow, and Chopper and Usopp were clamouring for Luffy’s attention all at once, as Luffy roared with laughter, and even Zoro couldn’t help but grin when he saw their captain. 

Beside him, Robin started, her hand flying to her mouth, as Sabo smiled and began making his way to her.

Zoro blinked hard once, then deliberately looked over at Franky, who had a kind of wistful smile on his face, as he watched Robin, and right there and then, his jaw almost dropped as everything clicked, but he remembered himself. 

Zoro pinched the bridge of his nose with a sigh. So maybe he was the insensitive oblivious blockhead Sanji had always said he was. He was happy for his friends, but the good cheer of the couples all around him was getting to him just a little.

For the longest time, Zoro had been labouring under the assumption that Robin and Franky had a thing going. He’d mentioned it once to Sanji, and the cook had given him a slightly disbelieving look that Zoro had translated to mean he was disgusted at the thought of his dearest Robin getting together with any man in the world.

Across the room, Zoro could see the slight smile on Sanji’s face, and as he met the other man’s gaze, he realised that Sanji had known about those two earlier as well. Sanji raised a glass to him, his smile turning, just a little sad for a moment.

Zoro returned the toast, eyes never leaving Sanji, and for a moment Sanji looked like he was about to cross the room to Zoro.

Then all of a sudden, Luffy was in front of Zoro, and Zoro rose to greet his captain, and friend, all cares and worries falling from him in just that moment, as he handed Luffy a beer.

“Luffy. It’s good to see you."

“It’s good to see you too, Zoro.” Luffy answered easily, before cackling loudly and throwing his arms around his first mate.

Zoro returned the hug, a fierce grin on his face that he couldn’t hide, even if he had tried.

Luffy released him then, his attention diverted, by the stack of hamburgers that Sanji had ready and waiting for him.

“We’ll catch up later!” Luffy promised as he made a beeline for the food, where Nami was strategically positioned. Beside him, Sabo had an arm around Robin as he kissed her softly on the cheek.

There was no place for the broken hearted in here. Zoro sighed and made his way out to the balcony where Franky was swigging a Jack Daniels with coke with a great amount of gusto.

 

* * *

 

The party was reaching a stage where everyone was was now comfortably buzzed from all the alcohol. Law and Sanji were now holding hands, Zoro noted with disgust, still in their little corner, and Zoro’s heart _hurt_ at the way Sanji was looking at Law, the way Sanji had once looked at Zoro.  

Zoro watched as Luffy approached the two of them, didn’t miss the subtle change in Luffy’s body language, that told him Luffy had finally noticed that the two of them were a little more than platonic friends. Then Luffy had grinned widely, clapped them both on the back, and Zoro knew they’d won Luffy’s approval and well wishes just like that, and finally he had to look away.

“Sorry, bro. You guys were good together."

They weren’t. Not really. Not in the end.

“Yeah well... sorry about that too. Sucks, doesn’t it?” Zoro gestured to where Sabo was twirling Robin around in a slow playful dance, both of them laughing softly.

Franky sighed heavily, his usually preppy hair, drooping like a wilted rose today.

“It’s not like we ever had anything going on. It was always kind of one-sided. I tried to tell her how super she was to me once, but she interrupted before I had even said what was on my mind. She said she’d been waiting for someone for a long time, and couldn’t see herself with anyone else, in that offhanded way of hers, just like she was talking about the weather." 

“You can’t hide anything from her,” Zoro agreed. “When we first got together, she was the first to know. She saw it coming way before we did probably. Probably foresaw the end of us too,” Zoro added, a little bitterly.

Franky was looking at him somewhat sympathetically now. He raised his glass to Zoro’s with a small clink, then they continued to drink in silence, until Franky went back into the house to get another refill of coke.

Zoro was joined by Luffy a moment later.

“And how have you been, Pirate King?"

Luffy grinned, clapping Zoro’s shoulder cheerfully. 

“Great, now that I’m back home with you guys! Man, I really missed Sanji’s cooking!"

Zoro knew that particular feeling. 

“And what about you, Zoro?” And the searching intense gaze that Luffy sent his way, with his head cocked to a side, told Zoro he needn’t fudge the truth.  

“Not so good,” Zoro admitted, and it was good to get that off his chest, after months of telling concerned friends that he was just fine, he just happened to really like drinking.

Luffy was silent for a moment, looking at Zoro with an inscrutable expression on his face.

“… Sanji’s pretty happy now. I can tell,” Luffy ventured suddenly. “You guys weren’t happy for a long time together, Zoro. Law’s a good guy. He’ll do right by Sanji."

Zoro probably would have broken the bones of anyone else who tried to tell him the same thing, but this was his captain, and Luffy was never wrong about these things.

“… I know,” Zoro replied tersely, and the grief he heard in his own voice surprised him. 

“It’s not that you have to stop feeling all those things you still do for Sanji. You just have to… love him in a different way. He still loves you too, you know. It’s just that you guys weren’t really good for each other. 

Zoro nodded mutely, not trusting himself to speak past the sudden lump in his throat at the moment. His eyes were stinging fiercely, and he swiped at them irritably.

Luffy said nothing more on the subject, changing the topic suddenly to talk about his travels, the pain of dealing with both the Marines and the Warlords. Evidently, being the King of the Pirates wasn’t always the carefree life Luffy had always thought it would be, but he wouldn’t trade it for the world. 

“How long until you’re off again?” Zoro asked.

Luffy frowned.

“A week, maybe two. Too soon!” The other man moaned, kicking out his feet, a little like a petulant child.

“Well… maybe this time, I’ll come with you," Zoro said, looking at Luffy carefully.

He needn’t have worried though. The megawatt smile Luffy flashed him lit up the night as far as Zoro was concerned. 

“Really, Zoro? Man that will be so awesome! I missed you guys so much!” 

“It’ll be an adventure. Just like old times,” And Zoro knew even as he said it that it was the best idea he’d had in a while.

 

* * *

 

Zoro was trying to leave the bento box he’d washed out thoroughly outside Sanji’s door and sneak back off to his apartment, when Sanji opened the door, and stared down at him.

“Hey,” Zoro muttered feeling a little stupid squatting outside of Sanji’s door. 

“… Have you had dinner?"

Zoro’s answer was a loud rumble from his stomach.

"Come on,” Sanji sighed, stepping away from the door. “I was just about to make something for myself. You might as well join me."

 

* * *

 

Dinner turned out to be a table full of Zoro’s favourite dishes. There was no sign of Law thankfully. Zoro tucked in gratefully, with no small amount of enthusiasm, eating like he’d been starving in a desert. He hadn’t exactly been eating a very balanced diet since Sanji left, subsisting on pretty much beer and cup noodles every day. 

Sanji watched him with a small smile, touching very little of the food himself.

They ate mostly in silence, just as they had back when they were together, until Zoro was almost done. Then Sanji exhaled, like he’d been holding his breath for a while, and asked the question that had apparently been weighing on his mind.

“Are you avoiding me?"

“No,” Zoro was quick to lie, hoping Sanji wouldn’t bring up that earlier incident at the door with the bento box.

The look on Sanji’s face told Zoro the other man didn’t believe him at all.

“I know it doesn’t look like I care, but it hurts to see you still in pain,” Sanji admitted. He ran a hair through his blonde hair tiredly. "Maybe it’s time you started dating, Zoro."

“No,” And the firmness, as well as the coldness, of this reply surprised both Sanji and Zoro himself. 

“No,” Zoro repeated quietly. And because he felt compelled to explain, and he was tired of pretending otherwise, he elaborated.

“It wouldn’t be fair. Not to me, or to the other person. I still love you, Sanji. I don’t know how not to after nine years."

Sanji looked pained, but Zoro held up a hand to stop Sanji before he could utter another rejection.

“I’m not asking you to come back to me. I’m not hoping you will. I know it’s over between us. You were right when you said it wasn’t working out. We hadn’t been happy in a long time,” Zoro continued, echoing Luffy now.

“But that doesn’t change the fact that I do love you. I don’t know when I’ll stop, or if I ever will, but there just isn’t enough space for anyone else in my heart right now. I need time to grieve. And you of all people, have no right to try to tell me what to do with my pain."

And now it was Sanji who looked like his heart was breaking, and Zoro could never stand that look on Sanji’s face, so he got up, taking Sanji’s hand in his, and pulled him up into a hug, wrapping his arms around him. Sanji clung to him tightly, burying his face in the crook of Zoro’s neck, his breath warm on Zoro’s skin. 

“I understand why you had to leave, but how could you fall for another after only nine months? We were together for _years_.” Zoro murmured in Sanji’s ear, finally giving voice to that resentment that had been building in him for so long.

Sanji was silent for a while.

"Maybe because it’s pointless dwelling on the past. I didn’t set out to look for anyone else, Zoro. Law and I, it just happened.” But Sanji didn’t sound particularly convincing, not to Zoro. 

And they were different even in that way. Maybe that really said it all. Zoro never would have let someone close enough to him so soon after the break up to even chance falling for them. Sanji meant too much to him to risk losing him forever by closing the door to their future like that. Zoro clearly didn’t occupy that same space in Sanji’s heart.

Maybe he never had. 

Zoro released Sanji then, stepping away from him. 

“Thanks for dinner.” Zoro turned to go, but Sanji caught his arm, his grip surprisingly strong.

“I still want to be friends, Zoro.” And Sanji sounded almost like he was pleading now, but Zoro wasn’t sure anymore that he still could.

 

* * *

 

And of course Zoro would wind up running into Law on the day that he was setting out with Luffy.  

Law nodded politely, clearly on the way up to meet Sanji. He was beginning his climb up to Sanji’s place when Zoro spoke.

“Take care of him."

Law paused, brow furrowed. 

“If you hurt him, you’ll answer to me.” 

Law’s fist clenched around the railing he was holding on to.

“… I’m not the one hurting Sanji. And Sanji doesn’t need you to fight his battles for him.” Law’s retort was calm, but his eyes spoke differently.

Zoro almost reached for his swords then, and he could see the word “Room” was on Law’s lips, but the door above opened just then.

“Law?"

Law gave Zoro one last glare and continued up the stairs.

Slamming the door to his apartment, Zoro stalked off, bag slung over his shoulders. He told himself not to, but Zoro just couldn’t help looking back.

Sanji stood outside his apartment, steely blue gaze fixed on Zoro as he took a long drag on his cigarette, hair askew in the breeze, and suddenly Zoro remembered that Sanji had looked at him just like that on the day Zoro had admitted he was in love with Sanji. It had been a sunny day too, and with another start, Zoro realised it was now exactly 10 years to the day, when Sanji and him had first kissed.

If they could have made it work, today would have been their 10th anniversary together.

Zoro had remembered finally, but it was too little, too late and Sanji no longer needed or wanted him. Their paths had diverged and Zoro would have to walk his alone.

And so Zoro cast one last lingering look at Sanji, committing that memory of the man who had once been his world, to heart.

Then he turned away and left.


End file.
